Too weak to get on my knees

Let me first admit before all of cyber space something that God has always known - I am terrible at prayer.  Give me the Bible, I can read it all day, set me down with a pen and journal and Bible commentary and I'll write my way through a Bible study, but ask how often I've verbalized my heart with God, and I'll turn strawberry red and shy away.  I'm not sure what it is about talking with God that makes me so nervous.  In all honesty, I think it's pride.  Not pride like I think I'm too good to bow before an infinite Creator, but pride in that instead of looking toward the unending grace of God, I look inside at my guilt and sin and prefer to try to hide like Adam and Eve in the garden.

In light of this weakness I have been reading Alone with God, a book about prayer by my current fav. author, John MacArthur.  I admit, it's been a painfully slow read, because to be totally honest I am not that interested in its content, to my own downfall.  However, the information I have found to be invaluable.

Rev. MacArthur spends the majority of the book outlining the "Lord's Prayer" which he has renamed "The Disciples' Prayer" since Jesus was teaching the disciples how they ought to pray.  I've never been one for coloring in the lines (literally, I failed a coloring assignment in 2nd grade because I colored the sky green.  In my mind, I was thinking the picture should be set in the mountains, and there was a big grassy mountain in the background.  My teacher clearly did not appreciate this assumption.), so the thought of following a formula for prayer, even one created by God, made me nervous.  However, in practice, I have found it completely freeing to follow the pattern Jesus set.  We begin with honoring and worshipping God, acknowledging and requesting His perfect and holy will as the ultimate for every creation, asking for what we need, confessing our sins, forgiving others, asking for help against sin, and again acknowledging the holines of God.  Far from being restricting, it has left me with so much to say to God!  I used to struggle with my words, but praying this way provides a guide I truly needed, a method that ensures I am connecting with my God.

Another interesting thing the book discusses is what we ask God for.  Rev. MacArthur reminds us of Matt. 6:31-32 "So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them." He makes the point that things we often pray for are really vain.  We ask God for a job, for the bills to be paid, etc., when really He has already told us He knows what we need and He'll provide.  I have been amazed at how God has responded to my attempts at praying to Him.  It reminds me of the often misinterpreted verse, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4).  I love how when I delight in God, the desires of my heart turn away from vain things, and instead I desire more of God! And that is exactly what He gives me, more of Himself!